We arrived in Morocco at the end of the first day of Eid
al-Adha. What is this? So on day one they take all the sheep in Morocco, slit
their throats, then take all the sheep heads and burn them directly outside our
Air BnB. Con: sad burning sheep heads. Pro: it was great for toasting kebabs.
The first prayer call is at 5:30am and if that didn’t wake
us up then the screams from the morning bird massacre did at 6am. We would wake
up every morning in our beautiful Air BnB with no electricity. But all we had
to do was grab a broom and hit the sweet spot on the ceiling a couple times.
Easy peasy. We spent the majority of the days visiting amazing museums, getting
harassed by locals, eating delicious food, and being told we owe someone money.
If you’re walking around and look even the slightest bit confused, you’re done.
“My good friend!! The square is this way! Let me show you! (puts arm around
you) Come, come! I promise, no money!
Come my friend!” You’ll end up abandoned, having spent 800 American dollars on
a fake rug and an infected henna tattoo. Congrats.
Interesting thing about Marrakesh is that the locals know
how to work the system. When all the other disgusting tourists are out during
the day, pretending to know how to haggle and speak Arabic, the locals are
sleeping. Once 8pm rolls around and all the tourists go home after a successful
day of being scammed, the locals fill the streets and go absolutely insane. The
orange juice men start fighting, the stray cats become bloodthirsty, the tap
water becomes undrinkable…(no wait, it’s always like that), and all of Marrakesh
turns into one giant Goodwill Bluehanger. People throwin ‘bows for used Nikes
and pillowcases. I blacked-out and found myself in the middle of it all, playing
tug-of-war with a woman for a pair of Abercrombie and Fitch capris.
Day two of Eid al-Adha: The sheep are skinned and the
sheepskins once dried become fashionable Forever 21 parkas.
It’s illegal in the Islamic culture to consume alcohol. Graham
and Andrea culture is very different. After one sober day, we set out on a
quest for booze. We walked 40 minutes to an abandoned mall center outside of
Marrakesh, where a thoughtful mumbling homeless man closely followed behind Graham
and me all the way to the grocery store to make sure no one else followed us.
The alcohol situation was all very normal: We stood in a line with other scared
white tourists while they wrote down our names on a sheet of paper and shoved
Graham underneath a giant metal gate and yelled “HURRY HURRY HURRY!” Graham
grabbed two bottles of champagne and was the last one to get out of the metal
gate alive.
Day three of Eid al-Adha: The sheep are then resurrected and
worshiped as Gods and carried upon the shoulders of their murders…Oh wait.
That’s not right. I think people then just eat the sheep. Yeah, definitely eat
the sheep.
I spent all my money on fake things to try and make myself
seem classier then I am, so we had to take a leisurely walk to the Marrakesh
Airport rather then just paying for a $8 cab. Lemme just paint a picture as to what the situation looked like: It’s
a lovely 107-degree day in Morocco; I was sporting a heavy long black skirt and
a 11 year old child for a backpack; the Airport was about 5 miles away and the
path we took was similar to the desert Aladdin walked through to find Robin
Williams in the lantern. You would think, “Oh well there were probably other
people walking as well”…NOPE. Just Graham and me. Walking. Forever. And a group
of rainbow meerkats that were singing ‘Keep’n It Real’ while guiding us to
the airport.
In all seriousness Marrakesh was one of the most beautiful
places I’ve ever been to, and the only thing you really need to look out for are
the 5 year old trained assassins who are driving the mopeds.
